What\'s Wrong with Marriage Today

Sungoddess said:
Guard Dad said:
A lot of people simply get married for the wrong reasons. Getting married because you're hot for each other's bod is not the right reason. There has to be a foundation of genuine love there.

People too often don't make their spouse first in their lives (second to God if you are Christian). Your spouse should be the center of your universe. Your spouse should be before your job, before your buddies; and yes, even before your kids.

Men are wusses these days. Really...lots of men are spineless wimps that have no leadership or strength of will. The man is supposed to take responsibility for the household and do what it takes to support and care for your family. Nothing against women, but it is the man's responsibility. Men need to grow a proverbial pair.

Between the current tax burden and the standard of living we want; both husband and wife work in the majority of American families. This is not good. When both work full time, it is very difficult for both to be parents, housekeepers, and lovers while holding down a career. We need to rethink our priorities, and force the government to change their spending habits where we can keep more of our incomes.
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GD, you speak of the ole time ways -- to which I always refer back to and love and would like to live. I looked up to my dad; he was the head of the household and our hero. I have been single (this time - Dav, stay out of this :eek:) for 20+ years, and the main reason is I cannot find a MAN, and one of the first qualifications is, he be a gentleman! I LOVE it when a man offers to let me enter first, jumps up to help if my hands are full, etc., etc. I work and will pull my weight, but most men I know (including the siblings in my family) are not men because they like drugs or are alcoholics, and they like the government taking care of them. Ugggggggggggggggggggg. I'd much rather be alone than to add this to my life. :(
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Aside from my thong wearing ways :jk, I am a very traditional guy.

And to clarify, being "head of the household" doesn't mean dictator. I still think "responsible party" is a better term. I am the head of my household, but my wife is by my side and I observe the other part of God's design for married people by loving my wife as Christ loved the church. My wife is a smart and capable woman, she has worked except while our daughter was growing up, and she makes good money. So she is my partner in marriage in every way, but the buck still stops at my feet when it comes to taking responsibility for my family.

I was given a good model for this by my parents. My mother was a highly intelligent woman, probably smarter than my dad (who was pretty dang smart too); but they both practiced the Biblical model for marriage. My dad also took full responsibility for his family, and I'm very thankful for that.

Sadly, too many men are not wired this way anymore. Hence the illegitimacy rate, it's a contributing factor in the high divorce rate, a factor in poverty, and a leading cause of the high crime rate among young people. Men who don't take responsibility for and care for their children are at the top of my poop list. A lot of men in today's society are just plain sorry. And not meaning to get political; but the liberal nanny state mentality plays right into this.

Back to the "women must submit" and "man shall love his wife" stuff...many non-Christians either mock or misunderstand what the meaning of this is. All it really boils down to is, make your spouse the center of your universe. Love them, respect them, tend to their wants and needs; and the Biblical model is being followed. I see so many married couples lose sight of this after awhile. Work pressure, money problems, time problems, etc gets in the way. And too many couples shove their spouse aside and put their children on the pedestal. Nope, that's the wrong thing to do. Your spouse should always be first. By doing so, mom and dad can give their children the ultimate loving relationship with their parents.

Now...I realize that sometimes marriages fail and parents can't stay together. That makes parts of what I described above impossible, and you do the best you can do under the circumstances. But in a home where mom and dad are together, the above is how it should be.
 
I think one problem today is, a lot of women are raised to believe they don't need a man. I know a lot of women who are control freaks and try to control everything in a marriage. Yes, I see this in a lot of Christian women. They will often be deceitful and manipulative to be the head of the household, which really leads to problems while the husband is trying to be the head.

I know a lot of married Christian women who claim Ephesians 5: 21-33 doesn't pertain to marriage today; it was written for the time the Apostles were on Earth. These women are picking and choosing what they want to believe from the Bible. This is not being obedient to God's Word. In fact, their actions are stating they believe some of God's Word to be wrong.
 
Guard Dad said:
Sungoddess said:
Guard Dad said:
A lot of people simply get married for the wrong reasons. Getting married because you're hot for each other's bod is not the right reason. There has to be a foundation of genuine love there.

People too often don't make their spouse first in their lives (second to God if you are Christian). Your spouse should be the center of your universe. Your spouse should be before your job, before your buddies; and yes, even before your kids.

Men are wusses these days. Really...lots of men are spineless wimps that have no leadership or strength of will. The man is supposed to take responsibility for the household and do what it takes to support and care for your family. Nothing against women, but it is the man's responsibility. Men need to grow a proverbial pair.

Between the current tax burden and the standard of living we want; both husband and wife work in the majority of American families. This is not good. When both work full time, it is very difficult for both to be parents, housekeepers, and lovers while holding down a career. We need to rethink our priorities, and force the government to change their spending habits where we can keep more of our incomes.
Click to expand...

GD, you speak of the ole time ways -- to which I always refer back to and love and would like to live. I looked up to my dad; he was the head of the household and our hero. I have been single (this time - Dav, stay out of this :eek:) for 20+ years, and the main reason is I cannot find a MAN, and one of the first qualifications is, he be a gentleman! I LOVE it when a man offers to let me enter first, jumps up to help if my hands are full, etc., etc. I work and will pull my weight, but most men I know (including the siblings in my family) are not men because they like drugs or are alcoholics, and they like the government taking care of them. Ugggggggggggggggggggg. I'd much rather be alone than to add this to my life. :(
Click to expand...

Aside from my thong wearing ways :jk, I am a very traditional guy.

And to clarify, being "head of the household" doesn't mean dictator. I still think "responsible party" is a better term. I am the head of my household, but my wife is by my side and I observe the other part of God's design for married people by loving my wife as Christ loved the church. My wife is a smart and capable woman, she has worked except while our daughter was growing up, and she makes good money. So she is my partner in marriage in every way, but the buck still stops at my feet when it comes to taking responsibility for my family.

I was given a good model for this by my parents. My mother was a highly intelligent woman, probably smarter than my dad (who was pretty dang smart too); but they both practiced the Biblical model for marriage. My dad also took full responsibility for his family, and I'm very thankful for that.

Sadly, too many men are not wired this way anymore. Hence the illegitimacy rate, it's a contributing factor in the high divorce rate, a factor in poverty, and a leading cause of the high crime rate among young people. Men who don't take responsibility for and care for their children are at the top of my poop list. A lot of men in today's society are just plain sorry. And not meaning to get political; but the liberal nanny state mentality plays right into this.

Back to the "women must submit" and "man shall love his wife" stuff...many non-Christians either mock or misunderstand what the meaning of this is. All it really boils down to is, make your spouse the center of your universe. Love them, respect them, tend to their wants and needs; and the Biblical model is being followed. I see so many married couples lose sight of this after awhile. Work pressure, money problems, time problems, etc gets in the way. And too many couples shove their spouse aside and put their children on the pedestal. Nope, that's the wrong thing to do. Your spouse should always be first. By doing so, mom and dad can give their children the ultimate loving relationship with their parents.

Now...I realize that sometimes marriages fail and parents can't stay together. That makes parts of what I described above impossible, and you do the best you can do under the circumstances. But in a home where mom and dad are together, the above is how it should be.
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I couldn't agree with you more.
 
I think the demise of marriage comes from parents. We work so hard to teach our kids about God, about working hard, about being independent, about being successful, but how many parents do you know that tell their kids that staying married is HARD. Most of us would say that we do our best to set a good example so that our kids will know, but let's face it, our kids aren't mindreaders. Marriage isn't easy - you've committed to spending the rest of your life living with someone who is usually your complete opposite and at some point, you will want to throttle that person (but by the grace of God, you won't - hopefully). Although you've learned to be independent, when you get married, you now need to talk to someone else about whether or not you can continue to do what you want to do and, YES, you do have to start putting their needs above your own. It's that commitment to communicating and being selfless that helps to make marriage stronger, without it, the marriage will not last regardless of how much you "love" or "respect" your spouse.

As for the obedience talked about in Ephesians, I laugh when other women say that they refuse to be obedient to their husbands because they aren't a "dog." To me, the obedience is more of a willingness and desire to want to do things for your spouse, not because I'm expected to, but because it's what I want to do.
 
LisaC said:
I think the demise of marriage comes from parents. We work so hard to teach our kids about God, about working hard, about being independent, about being successful, but how many parents do you know that tell their kids that staying married is HARD. Most of us would say that we do our best to set a good example so that our kids will know, but let's face it, our kids aren't mindreaders. Marriage isn't easy - you've committed to spending the rest of your life living with someone who is usually your complete opposite and at some point, you will want to throttle that person (but by the grace of God, you won't - hopefully). Although you've learned to be independent, when you get married, you now need to talk to someone else about whether or not you can continue to do what you want to do and, YES, you do have to start putting their needs above your own. It's that commitment to communicating and being selfless that helps to make marriage stronger, without it, the marriage will not last regardless of how much you "love" or "respect" your spouse.

As for the obedience talked about in Ephesians, I laugh when other women say that they refuse to be obedient to their husbands because they aren't a "dog." To me, the obedience is more of a willingness and desire to want to do things for your spouse, not because I'm expected to, but because it's what I want to do.
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In Ephesians they read 5: 22, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord," but the only words they see are, "submit yourselves to your own husbands." They neglect the rest as well as verse 21, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." 21 is saying to make each other first. Many Christians have their priorities wrong. God is the first and foremost priority. Christ said during his sermon on the Mount, "You are to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of these things [basic needs] will be added to you." What should the next priority be when making a list? How the rest of the list goes is often debatable amongst Christians. I would have to say the next thing on the priority list would be your spouse, then your children. The means to provide for your family is next and then the church. The reason why I have the church here is because I have seen people become so wrapped up in the church volunteering for everything they can, they have little time left for their spouse and children. Dedicating too much time to church activities can also effect the job. God wants you to provide for your family.
 
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
 
deewee said:
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
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You bring up an interesting point. Should a Christian woman marry a man who is not a Christian; should she not look for a Christian man?
 
deewee said:
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
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I will have to agree with you on this.....it was very hard to be a christian wife ...to someone that is not spiritually mature.........
 
Foxmeister said:
deewee said:
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
Click to expand...

You bring up an interesting point. Should a Christian woman marry a man who is not a Christian; should she not look for a Christian man?
Click to expand...

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:13-15 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 6 (Whole Chapter)
 
mei lan said:
atlantdav said:
My mistake, guess I pointed to the Christian forum(?). Bottom line, I know my cousin as well as other fathers where the wife (woman) brings home the bacon................but the Father still is in control and head of the household. BTW, I am A Christain of the Catholic Church
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Catholics can be Christians? :gasp: I KEED!!! I KEED!!! (Although you don't know how many Protestants I know who think this way. :sigh:)
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:laugh I do, I do!!! Whew, being Catholic in this neck of the woods can be tough. I have learned to just smile and let some of the crazies spew their rant and go on my merry way. :laugh
Not everyone is like that, but many do not understand or have been ever been around it and just do not have an open mind to anything, but their way. I try hard not to judge. We are all christian.

Now when it comes to marriage....till death us do part. My dad died well over 20 years ago. My mom remains unmarried.

My husband and I went into marriage believing that divorce is not an option. We knew how we would raise any children we had. How we would (attempt) to solve any disagreements, and numerous other things that we discussed prior to our marriage. We had weekly counseling sessions for months and discussed everything under the sun that our friends and family could throw at us that we would encounter in marriage. I wish everyone had to do that. We are not perfect, there have been many rough times over the years, but we always knew where we stood with one another and knew our faith and love would guide us though.
 
Guard Dad said:
Foxmeister said:
deewee said:
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
Click to expand...

You bring up an interesting point. Should a Christian woman marry a man who is not a Christian; should she not look for a Christian man?
Click to expand...

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:13-15 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 6 (Whole Chapter)
Click to expand...

YEP YEP....But when your young and dumb like I was when I got married.......everything I saw was yoking.....LOL......I was in LOVE....with the hottest man on earth and I worshiped the very ground that man walked on..........LOL........
 
I've never understood the animosity between Catholics and Protestants. We have our differences, but at the end of the day we're both Christian.

We're stronger united than divided.
 
Foxmeister said:
deewee said:
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
Click to expand...

You bring up an interesting point. Should a Christian woman marry a man who is not a Christian; should she not look for a Christian man?
Click to expand...

By all means, a christian woman should marry a christian man. However, we are human and do not always do what is best for us. I chose wrong the first time, stayed with that man for 17 years. Was miserable the majority of that marriage. But, I did try to submit and be a good christian wife/example the best I could (and knew) at that time. I'm not trying to implicate that I was perfect at all. I just did the best I could by him. All that being said, I sure am glad that's over with! ;D
 
Guard Dad said:
Foxmeister said:
deewee said:
Just thought of something I wanted to add.

I think the hardest thing to do, as a christian wife, is to submit to man who is not as spiritually mature...or who doesn't himself submit to God first. Been there and battled with that. One thing I learned is that as long as I am obedient to follow my husband's lead, then the results of that are God's responsibility. He will correct the husband, we don't need to do that, with fairness and righteousness.
Click to expand...

You bring up an interesting point. Should a Christian woman marry a man who is not a Christian; should she not look for a Christian man?
Click to expand...

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:13-15 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 6 (Whole Chapter)
Click to expand...

I was thinking of 2 Corinthians 6:14 when I asked the question. If you're not equally yoked, one is pulling a lot more weight than the other, thus working harder.
 
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