What\'s Wrong with Marriage Today

[Foxmeister]

There was a topic about the high divorce rates in our culture today. I had a discussion about this with someone earlier tonight. I pointed out that even amongst Christians, the divorce rate was high. I was asked why and then it hit me. Ephesians 5:21-33

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

First of all, not many Christian couples are submitting to each other out of reverence to Christ. Instead, they often think of themselves and what it is they can get out of the marriage instead of concentrating on what they can give to the marriage as a reverent Christian. You can't submit to each other out of reverence to Christ if only one is an obedient servant of Christ.

Many Christian husbands are not living up to their responsibilities as being the spiritual leader in their homes. How can he expect his wife to submit to him if he does not love her as Christ loves the church? If he loved her as Christ loved the church, then he would see to it she is washed through water with the Word. In other words, he would be seeing to it she is being fed by God's Word. Now he can't do that if he's really not being fed by the Word either. A lot of couples go to church, but what is their motive for going; is it to be fed God's Word and to live as obedient servants of God; or is it for appearances sake?

I could go on in more depth on this, but I think it's a good starting point for discussion.

 

[Madea]

Very well said. Honestly, I cringe when I hear someone say "I'm just not happy".

 

[Foxmeister]

I cringe when I hear that as well. Usually that means there are several problems in the marriage and one of those being the lack of effective communication. The unhappy spouse may be telling the other what it is that's making them unhappy, but unfortunately the other spouse isn't listening. When you submit to each other in reverence to Christ, then you should be practicing effective communication.

 

[Madea]

Women (generally speaking) completely misunderstand the "submit to your husband" and the husband as the head of the household. Men become confused about their role as spiritual leader and putting the wife's needs ahead of his own. Neither fully accept the "two become one flesh".

I'll admit to being guilty.

 

[Guard Dad]

A lot of people simply get married for the wrong reasons. Getting married because you're hot for each other's bod is not the right reason. There has to be a foundation of genuine love there.

People too often don't make their spouse first in their lives (second to God if you are Christian). Your spouse should be the center of your universe. Your spouse should be before your job, before your buddies; and yes, even before your kids.

Men are wusses these days. Really...lots of men are spineless wimps that have no leadership or strength of will. The man is supposed to take responsibility for the household and do what it takes to support and care for your family. Nothing against women, but it is the man's responsibility. Men need to grow a proverbial pair.

Between the current tax burden and the standard of living we want; both husband and wife work in the majority of American families. This is not good. When both work full time, it is very difficult for both to be parents, housekeepers, and lovers while holding down a career. We need to rethink our priorities, and force the government to change their spending habits where we can keep more of our incomes.

 

[Madea]

Again, can't disagree.

 

[Guard Dad]

Women (generally speaking) completely misunderstand the "submit to your husband" and the husband as the head of the household. Men become confused about their role as spiritual leader and putting the wife's needs ahead of his own. Neither fully accept the "two become one flesh".

I'll admit to being guilty.

Expanding on the "head of household" thing...

I am responsible for my family's spiritual health

I am responsible for supporting my family

I am responsible for being a good father

I am responsible for my wife's needs and wants

My wife should be by my side in all of this; but the ultimate responsibility falls at my feet. Sadly, too many men don't get this.

 

[atlantdav]

GD, I can agree with some of your post but I totally disagree with your stating the "but it is the man's responsibility". Years ago it was. Let me tell you something about my cousin I grew up with (same age). When his wife got pregant with their first child, they made a decision for him to be a stay at home father, and she would continue working. Sixteen years and three children later they are happy as all get out, and doing VERY GREAT with that choice. She works her arse off as the bread winner, and he does the same taking care of the household and numberous activities the kids are involved with

 

[Foxmeister]

Women (generally speaking) completely misunderstand the "submit to your husband" and the husband as the head of the household. Men become confused about their role as spiritual leader and putting the wife's needs ahead of his own. Neither fully accept the "two become one flesh".

I'll admit to being guilty.

Expanding on the "head of household" thing...

I am responsible for my family's spiritual health

I am responsible for supporting my family

I am responsible for being a good father

I am responsible for my wife's needs and wants

My wife should be by my side in all of this; but the ultimate responsibility falls at my feet. Sadly, too many men don't get this.

Besides being at your side through all of that, what is her role?

 

[Guard Dad]

GD, I can agree with some of your post but I totally disagree with your stating the "but it is the man's responsibility". Years ago it was. Let me tell you something about my cousin I grew up with (same age). When his wife got pregant with their first child, they made a decision for him to be a stay at home father, and she would continue working. Sixteen years and three children later they are happy as all get out, and doing VERY GREAT with that choice. She works her arse off as the bread winner, and he does the same taking care of the household and numberous activities the kids are involved with

That's fine, but the man is still ultimately responsible.

 

[Guard Dad]

Women (generally speaking) completely misunderstand the "submit to your husband" and the husband as the head of the household. Men become confused about their role as spiritual leader and putting the wife's needs ahead of his own. Neither fully accept the "two become one flesh".

I'll admit to being guilty.

Expanding on the "head of household" thing...

I am responsible for my family's spiritual health

I am responsible for supporting my family

I am responsible for being a good father

I am responsible for my wife's needs and wants

My wife should be by my side in all of this; but the ultimate responsibility falls at my feet. Sadly, too many men don't get this.

Besides being at your side through all of that, what is her role?

She should do all she can as well. She should be my partner in everything. But the buck stops at my feet.

 

[Madea]

Besides being at your side through all of that, what is her role?

Proverbs 31

 

[Madea]

GD, I can agree with some of your post but I totally disagree with your stating the "but it is the man's responsibility". Years ago it was. Let me tell you something about my cousin I grew up with (same age). When his wife got pregant with their first child, they made a decision for him to be a stay at home father, and she would continue working. Sixteen years and three children later they are happy as all get out, and doing VERY GREAT with that choice. She works her arse off as the bread winner, and he does the same taking care of the household and numberous activities the kids are involved with

That's one example. It may be working very well for them, and there are circumstances where it would have to work (i.e., if the husband were disabled) but it's not the original design. JMHO

 

[mei lan]

I, too, know of a couple where the work roles are reversed and it works very well for them. But the man is still the head of the home and responsible.

If you read Proverbs 31 intently, you will see that this woman is no lightweight wimp. She's a smart businesswoman, cares for her family, makes decisions on her own, is well-respected, and her husband adores her.

Fox, I agree with your original assertion that couples whose lives aren't centered on God have a greater chance of failing. The church looks just like the world in every respect, and we wonder why people don't want to hear anything about God?

I also agree with Guard Dad - if people would only get married who were getting married for the right reasons at the right time, 80% of the marriages out there wouldn't be taking place.

 

[atlantdav]

My mistake, guess I pointed to the Christian forum(?). Bottom line, I know my cousin as well as other fathers where the wife (woman) brings home the bacon................but the Father still is in control and head of the household. BTW, I am A Christain of the Catholic Church

 

[kittycat]

wow.....I was raised in a Christan home without a father.........my father was killed on his way to work one morning, even though this was my mom's second husband to get killed....leaving her with two children to raise by her first and then me the third.....she still held on to God.....and raised us up the best way she knew......I for one really didn't know what a man role was in a marriage....only what I learned in church and my friends dads....and TV ...my mom was the mom and dad....So...now I look back at both of my failed marriage and often ask myself, what happen?.....Neither one was a spiritual leader.......neither one couldn't lead the blessing at the table for dinner.......That should have been my cue....LOL.....learned every lesson the hard way....Next time or if God ever blesses me with that dream husband like the BIBLE talks about....but until then......I will just be me and GOD.....LOL.....a lot of men talk the talk....but can't walk it..... I believe when two people get married and in their mind if they ponder the question.....if it don;t work out I will just get out......then they should never marry at all....and when the vows that say....FOR BETTER OR WORSE......ask yourself this one question.........HOW WORSE?......maybe I should have asked myself that question before I married......lol......
BTW.....for as me being the bread winner.....yes I learned that a women better be able to support herself that's one thing I learned from my mom......cause you never know when your hubby may not come home.

 

[Madea]

My mistake, guess I pointed to the Christian forum(?). Bottom line, I know my cousin as well as other fathers where the wife (woman) brings home the bacon................but the Father still is in control and head of the household. BTW, I am A Christain of the Catholic Church

I didn't see it as a mistake. It's a good example.

 

[mei lan]

My mistake, guess I pointed to the Christian forum(?). Bottom line, I know my cousin as well as other fathers where the wife (woman) brings home the bacon................but the Father still is in control and head of the household. BTW, I am A Christain of the Catholic Church

Catholics can be Christians? :gasp: I KEED!!! I KEED!!! (Although you don't know how many Protestants I know who think this way. :sigh

 

[naturegirl]

My mistake, guess I pointed to the Christian forum(?). Bottom line, I know my cousin as well as other fathers where the wife (woman) brings home the bacon................but the Father still is in control and head of the household. BTW, I am A Christain of the Catholic Church

See I see this as doing God's will. If she works and pays the bills while he stays home, what's wrong with that?? Is he not making sure his family is provided for? Is he not putting his wife in the position she wants to be?? Is he not taking care of the most important thing to both of them, their children. Yes, the bottom line is it's his responsibility to make sure he supports his family and his family's spiritual health, but why does their decision for her to bring home the paycheck go against anything anyone has said.

Being the leader and taking control doesn't always involve bringing home the bacon. There's so much more to it than that.

 

[Ms. Diana]

A lot of people simply get married for the wrong reasons. Getting married because you're hot for each other's bod is not the right reason. There has to be a foundation of genuine love there.

People too often don't make their spouse first in their lives (second to God if you are Christian). Your spouse should be the center of your universe. Your spouse should be before your job, before your buddies; and yes, even before your kids.

Men are wusses these days. Really...lots of men are spineless wimps that have no leadership or strength of will. The man is supposed to take responsibility for the household and do what it takes to support and care for your family. Nothing against women, but it is the man's responsibility. Men need to grow a proverbial pair.

Between the current tax burden and the standard of living we want; both husband and wife work in the majority of American families. This is not good. When both work full time, it is very difficult for both to be parents, housekeepers, and lovers while holding down a career. We need to rethink our priorities, and force the government to change their spending habits where we can keep more of our incomes.

GD, you speak of the ole time ways -- to which I always refer back to and love and would like to live. I looked up to my dad; he was the head of the household and our hero. I have been single (this time - Dav, stay out of this ) for 20+ years, and the main reason is I cannot find a MAN, and one of the first qualifications is, he be a gentleman! I LOVE it when a man offers to let me enter first, jumps up to help if my hands are full, etc., etc. I work and will pull my weight, but most men I know (including the siblings in my family) are not men because they like drugs or are alcoholics, and they like the government taking care of them. Ugggggggggggggggggggg. I'd much rather be alone than to add this to my life.