ShoeDiva said:
I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.
People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.
The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?
With this crowd, the shower is ALL about the gifts. But more about that attitude in a minute. Let me expound on the wealth aspect I mentioned. We have the expectant couple, who make over $200K/year, live in a very nice house, drive luxury cars, take expensive vacations, and already have a child of the same sex born three years ago. Then we have my aunt and cousin who live together (in a rented trailer) in order to survive, who are both on disability (one SSI and the other work-related, and BOTH deserved), who are each in and out of the hospital several times a year, who often have no money for food 10 days before the end of the month (my mother makes sure they don't go without), who drive a beater of a car, and who never take vacations.
And the former is expecting a gift from the latter? Hell, yes, I have a problem with that. The entire point of gentility and manners is to make other people feel at ease and comfortable. I'm reminded of the story told by Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post (or both) of the high society lady who gave a grand dinner with several courses. In between one of the courses, she noticed a man sitting near her pick up his finger bowl and drink from it. After recovering from her initial shock, she picked up her own finger bowl and drank from it in order for him not to feel embarrassed at having done so.
But the larger issue here, for me, is the ME-ME-ME attitude of these things. If it were an occasion, as you say, where "presence, not presents" was requested up front, that would be AWESOME. Or say, a party where the invitation says to write down on a piece of paper your memories of me as a baby or advice for raising a baby or whatever. That, too, would be AWESOME. But that is not the case in this instance and others like it. This girl rarely attends any extended family functions, makes a lot of money, and has a kid of the same sex age three. And yet oh, boy - give me more PRESENTS!!!
I really like this site, btw. But it says only immediate family and very close friends for shower for second baby, and otherwise people who didn't attend shower for first baby. Not the case in this instance.
BTW - My mother said last night that she's going to tell my aunt/cousin that she's going to put their names on her gift as well so they won't have to buy one. Perfect. I love that woman.