tacky, tacky tacky...

[mei lan]

One thing to keep in mind is that some relatives (not matter how rich or poor) will get their noses out of joint if they are not invited to a shower. But, I like your idea of "presence not presents." I would feel terrible if someone bought me a gift that couldn't afford it.

Oh, I completely agree, and the aunt/cousin I mentioned would be terribly hurt if they weren't invited. And they would love to buy gifts for the baby. I am the one outraged on their behalf. I HATE things that take advantage of people who are vulnerable. :'( :rant

 

[J-man]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

 

[ShoeDiva]

I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.

People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.

The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?

With this crowd, the shower is ALL about the gifts. But more about that attitude in a minute. Let me expound on the wealth aspect I mentioned. We have the expectant couple, who make over $200K/year, live in a very nice house, drive luxury cars, take expensive vacations, and already have a child of the same sex born three years ago. Then we have my aunt and cousin who live together (in a rented trailer) in order to survive, who are both on disability (one SSI and the other work-related, and BOTH deserved), who are each in and out of the hospital several times a year, who often have no money for food 10 days before the end of the month (my mother makes sure they don't go without), who drive a beater of a car, and who never take vacations. And the former is expecting a gift from the latter? Hell, yes, I have a problem with that. The entire point of gentility and manners is to make other people feel at ease and comfortable. I'm reminded of the story told by Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post (or both) of the high society lady who gave a grand dinner with several courses. In between one of the courses, she noticed a man sitting near her pick up his finger bowl and drink from it. After recovering from her initial shock, she picked up her own finger bowl and drank from it in order for him not to feel embarrassed at having done so.

But the larger issue here, for me, is the ME-ME-ME attitude of these things. If it were an occasion, as you say, where "presence, not presents" was requested up front, that would be AWESOME. Or say, a party where the invitation says to write down on a piece of paper your memories of me as a baby or advice for raising a baby or whatever. That, too, would be AWESOME. But that is not the case in this instance and others like it. This girl rarely attends any extended family functions, makes a lot of money, and has a kid of the same sex age three. And yet oh, boy - give me more PRESENTS!!!

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered

I really like this site, btw. But it says only immediate family and very close friends for shower for second baby, and otherwise people who didn't attend shower for first baby. Not the case in this instance.

BTW - My mother said last night that she's going to tell my aunt/cousin that she's going to put their names on her gift as well so they won't have to buy one. Perfect. I love that woman.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around that. :huh At the bottom of each invitation my son sent to his grad party for out of towners he wrote that he would be happy for them to come join in his celebration and that their presence is gift enough, please forgo the gift. So the type of thing you are describing with an expectation of a gift from someone that they know can not afford one? :girlsaysno Maybe the invite to them did say something about just coming?
(I said money not being an issue with invites as in, one has one does not, not to exclude the do nots, just have them there for them.)
You mom is awesome to include their names so they can attend and not feel obligated to spend money they do not have.

 

[deewee]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Yes! I demand it! I'll let you all know, later, where I am registered and y'all better stick to the list! )

J/K- it would've been nice if someone thought my getting married was reason enough to celebrate. I'll just have to settle for having a man who loves me unconditionally and who us always thinking of me. Many of my friends don't have that. I say I am blessed! :love

 

[mei lan]

I have a hard time wrapping my head around that. :huh At the bottom of each invitation my son sent to his grad party for out of towners he wrote that he would be happy for them to come join in his celebration and that their presence is gift enough, please forgo the gift. So the type of thing you are describing with an expectation of a gift from someone that they know can not afford one? :girlsaysno Maybe the invite to them did say something about just coming?
(I said money not being an issue with invites as in, one has one does not, not to exclude the do nots, just have them there for them.)
You mom is awesome to include their names so they can attend and not feel obligated to spend money they do not have.

NOW do you see what I mean by being tacky? They would SAY, if asked, ok, don't worry about a gift. But who does that? Asks if it's ok to come without bringing a gift, I mean? Nobody. The thing that is so bothersome to me about this particular thing is not that they're overtly mean or obnoxious...they're not. In fact, they're some of my favorite relatives. But they are clueless in their self-centeredness. It just never occurs to them that someone else would be inconvenienced by their wanting something. Pure thoughtlessness, and THAT is bad manners.

 

[mei lan]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Yes! I demand it! I'll let you all know, later, where I am registered and y'all better stick to the list! )

Oh, go ahead. There's precedent...when Mike Huckabee left office as gov. of Arkansas, he and his wife registered at Dillard's and Target and asked everyone to buy a gift to help them furnish their new $7M house. TALK ABOUT TACKPOT!!!

I think I'll get my sister (who is a single mom and works three jobs) to throw me a shower on account of I've never been married and I've missed out on all the goodies. JSYK, I'm registering at amazon.com (I'm guessing they have something like this), Saks Fifth Avenue, Pottery Barn, and Restoration Hardware. So get crackin', people!!!

 

[ShoeDiva]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Yes! I demand it! I'll let you all know, later, where I am registered and y'all better stick to the list! )

Oh, go ahead. There's precedent...when Mike Huckabee left office as gov. of Arkansas, he and his wife registered at Dillard's and Target and asked everyone to buy a gift to help them furnish their new $7M house. TALK ABOUT TACKPOT!!!

I think I'll get my sister (who is a single mom and works three jobs) to throw me a shower on account of I've never been married and I've missed out on all the goodies. JSYK, I'm registering at amazon.com (I'm guessing they have something like this), Saks Fifth Avenue, Pottery Barn, and Restoration Hardware. So get crackin', people!!!

I adore all the stores you listed, but you left off Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus. :cheer1

 

[mei lan]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Yes! I demand it! I'll let you all know, later, where I am registered and y'all better stick to the list! )

Oh, go ahead. There's precedent...when Mike Huckabee left office as gov. of Arkansas, he and his wife registered at Dillard's and Target and asked everyone to buy a gift to help them furnish their new $7M house. TALK ABOUT TACKPOT!!!

I think I'll get my sister (who is a single mom and works three jobs) to throw me a shower on account of I've never been married and I've missed out on all the goodies. JSYK, I'm registering at amazon.com (I'm guessing they have something like this), Saks Fifth Avenue, Pottery Barn, and Restoration Hardware. So get crackin', people!!!

I adore all the stores you listed, but you left off Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus. :cheer1

THANK YOU!!! I knew I was leaving some off, but I was typing in a hurry. Added to the list now! The shower will be held at the Buckhead Ritz-Carlton during high tea.

 

[ShoeDiva]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Yes! I demand it! I'll let you all know, later, where I am registered and y'all better stick to the list! )

Oh, go ahead. There's precedent...when Mike Huckabee left office as gov. of Arkansas, he and his wife registered at Dillard's and Target and asked everyone to buy a gift to help them furnish their new $7M house. TALK ABOUT TACKPOT!!!

I think I'll get my sister (who is a single mom and works three jobs) to throw me a shower on account of I've never been married and I've missed out on all the goodies. JSYK, I'm registering at amazon.com (I'm guessing they have something like this), Saks Fifth Avenue, Pottery Barn, and Restoration Hardware. So get crackin', people!!!

I adore all the stores you listed, but you left off Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus. :cheer1

THANK YOU!!! I knew I was leaving some off, but I was typing in a hurry. Added to the list now! The shower will be held at the Buckhead Ritz-Carlton during high tea.

If you do it in December the St Regis has a delightful tea with all the beautiful Christmas decor. (and ice skating to work of the fabulous desserts!)

 

[Madea]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Except that DeeWee would have us all making her gifts from her Pinterest list! (which I would gladly do for her :love)

 

[mei lan]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Yes! I demand it! I'll let you all know, later, where I am registered and y'all better stick to the list! )

Oh, go ahead. There's precedent...when Mike Huckabee left office as gov. of Arkansas, he and his wife registered at Dillard's and Target and asked everyone to buy a gift to help them furnish their new $7M house. TALK ABOUT TACKPOT!!!

I think I'll get my sister (who is a single mom and works three jobs) to throw me a shower on account of I've never been married and I've missed out on all the goodies. JSYK, I'm registering at amazon.com (I'm guessing they have something like this), Saks Fifth Avenue, Pottery Barn, and Restoration Hardware. So get crackin', people!!!

I adore all the stores you listed, but you left off Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus. :cheer1

THANK YOU!!! I knew I was leaving some off, but I was typing in a hurry. Added to the list now! The shower will be held at the Buckhead Ritz-Carlton during high tea.

If you do it in December the St Regis has a delightful tea with all the beautiful Christmas decor. (and ice skating to work of the fabulous desserts!)

Really! I did not know this. :contactingsisterforvenuechange:

 

[mei lan]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Except that DeeWee would have us all making her gifts from her Pinterest list! (which I would gladly do for her :love)

OK, now, I like DW and all, but if I don't even have time to make stuff for ME from Pinterest that I wanna make, I ain't makin' HER stuff from Pinterest. She can do with a gift from Dollar General like everybody else. Hrmph.

 

[deewee]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Except that DeeWee would have us all making her gifts from her Pinterest list! (which I would gladly do for her :love)

OOOOO! Fabu idea! Pintrest parteeeeeeeeee! :love

 

[deewee]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Except that DeeWee would have us all making her gifts from her Pinterest list! (which I would gladly do for her :love)

OK, now, I like DW and all, but if I don't even have time to make stuff for ME from Pinterest that I wanna make, I ain't makin' HER stuff from Pinterest. She can do with a gift from Dollar General like everybody else. Hrmph.

No....not the DG! Blegh! I like Hobby Lobby please. ;D

 

[mei lan]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Except that DeeWee would have us all making her gifts from her Pinterest list! (which I would gladly do for her :love)

OK, now, I like DW and all, but if I don't even have time to make stuff for ME from Pinterest that I wanna make, I ain't makin' HER stuff from Pinterest. She can do with a gift from Dollar General like everybody else. Hrmph.

No....not the DG! Blegh! I like Hobby Lobby please. ;D

I LOVE Hobby Lobby!!! I like Michael's, but they don't have fabric, and HL does. However, I have to trek to Cartersville or Kennesaw to HL, so I usually settle for Michael's. HL has great music in their stores as well. Now you've got me wanting to go there.

 

[deewee]

Bridal shower for DeeWee. N

Except that DeeWee would have us all making her gifts from her Pinterest list! (which I would gladly do for her :love)

OK, now, I like DW and all, but if I don't even have time to make stuff for ME from Pinterest that I wanna make, I ain't makin' HER stuff from Pinterest. She can do with a gift from Dollar General like everybody else. Hrmph.

No....not the DG! Blegh! I like Hobby Lobby please. ;D

I LOVE Hobby Lobby!!! I like Michael's, but they don't have fabric, and HL does. However, I have to trek to Cartersville or Kennesaw to HL, so I usually settle for Michael's. HL has great music in their stores as well. Now you've got me wanting to go there.

We go thru Cartersville every other Friday to pick up the boys. I try to stop there on my way to White, or back. It's a long drive!