tacky, tacky tacky...

[mei lan]

OK, I just experienced the most tackpot thing I've seen in a very long time. GAH!!! Got an invite to a baby shower for a third cousin of mine. Which made me grind my teeth because:

a) The shower is being given by her immediate family. Any etiquette expert will tell you that having family host a shower just isn't done because it looks like you are begging for gifts, which is tacky. Now, I can see family hosting showers on occasions where a person might not have a lot of friends and be in dire straits, or whatever, and this really is the minor point in my objection, but in general, I find it to be very tacky.

2) This girl pulls in $125-$150K/year, easy, and with her husband's income, I'm sure they're bringing in over $200K/year. Many/most of the people being invited to said shower are lower income (and some are completely impoverished but will go and bring a gift because it's expected of them). I find this to be tacky in the EXTREME. TACKY, TACKY, TACKY!!! I think it's the height of arrogance and greed to agree to a shower in such a situation. (It's not a surprise shower, btw.) It would be the same if I got married...I've been on my own lo, these many years, and would NEVER agree to someone giving me a bridal shower! I have everything I need, and if I don't, I buy it. How tacky would a bridal shower be?!?!? Now, if somebody wanted to throw a party and everyone write down their advice for a happy marriage, fine. That would be great. But gifts? No way!!!

c) This girl is having a baby girl. She has a little girl who is three. She ALREADY HAS (or should have) everything she would need for a baby girl!!! If she gave everything away, or sold it in a yard sale, tough nuggies.

I just cannot get over this. I am absolutely appalled, and I refuse to attend. My mother will go, because she's the consummate Southern lady. But I refuse. :spittowardsgroundlikeanitalian:

 

[deewee]

Some peeps are just that...tacky. I think a family get together to celebrate the new baby is more appropo, but gifts shouldn't be expected.

I used to work with a girl that had kids every 2 years. I participated in the first 2 showers, after that I refused. She had 4 kids while we were co-workers.

 

[Madea]

Quite frankly, the tackiest part is the shower for a second child. But, it's also very tacky if her income level is that much above the attendees. :girlsaysno

 

[naturegirl]

I never heard of having a baby shower for a second or third child until the last few years. More than one marriage, only one shower. Why do people do this??

A celebration gathering without gifts is fine but where has etiquette gone??

 

[Madea]

I never heard of having a baby shower for a second or third child until the last few years. More than one marriage, only one shower. Why do people do this??

A celebration gathering without gifts is fine but where has etiquette gone??

Unfortunately, the same route as manners and personal responsibility. I'm still amazed when I am told that my children's manners are the exception and not the rule.

 

[mei lan]

I never heard of having a baby shower for a second or third child until the last few years. More than one marriage, only one shower. Why do people do this??

A celebration gathering without gifts is fine but where has etiquette gone??

Unfortunately, the same route as manners and personal responsibility. I'm still amazed when I am told that my children's manners are the exception and not the rule.

:agreed :agreed :agreed :agreed :agreed :agreed :agreed

 

[deewee]

I never heard of having a baby shower for a second or third child until the last few years. More than one marriage, only one shower. Why do people do this??

A celebration gathering without gifts is fine but where has etiquette gone??

I'm still waiting on my first bridal shower! Been married twice and neither time has anyone had a shower for me. )


I had a friend that had her second child when her first was 14. She had 4 showers and bragged afterwards that the only thing she had to buy for baby #2 was the paint for the nursery. She registered everywhere, and for everything...obviously.

 

[ShoeDiva]

I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.

People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.

The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered

 

[deewee]

I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.

People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.

The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered

I have less than an issue with a shower for a second child if it has been more than several years since the first was born. The bragging, in my example, is what I found tacky.

A friend of my sister had a shower for her, when she & her husband adopted. It had been 13 yrs since she'd had a baby and they had been trying to conceive #2, unsuccessfully, for 5 years. My second nephew was a long awaited, much prayed over, & longed for, child. It was indeed a celebration!

 

[Grey Colson]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

 

[deewee]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

Yeah, we'll get right on that! )

 

[unionmom]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

I'll be sure to grab the pine scented air freshener for you,

 

[Grey Colson]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

I'll be sure to grab the pine scented air freshener for you,

That's a start! N

 

[naturegirl]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

I'll be sure to grab the pine scented air freshener for you,

That's a start! N

Hey, I can spring for some microfiber cloths. ;D

 

[ShoeDiva]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

I'll be sure to grab the pine scented air freshener for you,

That's a start! N

Hey, I can spring for some microfiber cloths. ;D

Stop encouraging him! ) (He is the big author now, we need to all go register somewhere!)

 

[ShoeDiva]

I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.

People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.

The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered

I have less than an issue with a shower for a second child if it has been more than several years since the first was born. The bragging, in my example, is what I found tacky.

A friend of my sister had a shower for her, when she & her husband adopted. It had been 13 yrs since she'd had a baby and they had been trying to conceive #2, unsuccessfully, for 5 years. My second nephew was a long awaited, much prayed over, & longed for, child. It was indeed a celebration!

:thumbsup

 

[I'm Floored]

Not to be too far off this specific topic, but in case any of you decide to throw me a party, I'm registered at Thornton Chevrolet. You know.....just in case 8)

:spitchick

:cardriving

 

[LisaC]

Baby showers do have their benefits. When I had the princess, I had two showers - one given to me by my friends at work and one by my friend outside of work. We received absolutely everything we needed and I'm very appreciative of that.

But, as a general rule, I don't like wedding and baby showers - whether it's the first or the fifth. I'm perfectly fine with giving a gift, but my feelings are not hurt if I'm not invited to the shower.

 

[mei lan]

I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.

People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.

The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?

With this crowd, the shower is ALL about the gifts. But more about that attitude in a minute. Let me expound on the wealth aspect I mentioned. We have the expectant couple, who make over $200K/year, live in a very nice house, drive luxury cars, take expensive vacations, and already have a child of the same sex born three years ago. Then we have my aunt and cousin who live together (in a rented trailer) in order to survive, who are both on disability (one SSI and the other work-related, and BOTH deserved), who are each in and out of the hospital several times a year, who often have no money for food 10 days before the end of the month (my mother makes sure they don't go without), who drive a beater of a car, and who never take vacations. And the former is expecting a gift from the latter? Hell, yes, I have a problem with that. The entire point of gentility and manners is to make other people feel at ease and comfortable. I'm reminded of the story told by Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post (or both) of the high society lady who gave a grand dinner with several courses. In between one of the courses, she noticed a man sitting near her pick up his finger bowl and drink from it. After recovering from her initial shock, she picked up her own finger bowl and drank from it in order for him not to feel embarrassed at having done so.

But the larger issue here, for me, is the ME-ME-ME attitude of these things. If it were an occasion, as you say, where "presence, not presents" was requested up front, that would be AWESOME. Or say, a party where the invitation says to write down on a piece of paper your memories of me as a baby or advice for raising a baby or whatever. That, too, would be AWESOME. But that is not the case in this instance and others like it. This girl rarely attends any extended family functions, makes a lot of money, and has a kid of the same sex age three. And yet oh, boy - give me more PRESENTS!!!

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered

I really like this site, btw. But it says only immediate family and very close friends for shower for second baby, and otherwise people who didn't attend shower for first baby. Not the case in this instance.

BTW - My mother said last night that she's going to tell my aunt/cousin that she's going to put their names on her gift as well so they won't have to buy one. Perfect. I love that woman.

 

[LisaC]

I see no issue with someone wanting to have a shower for a second child. If there is only a year or two since the last one, you should have most big items and I think that stating that you do, and your presence not presents are requested would be appropriate. If people still want to buy I would make sure to have a registry for under $50 items. If you are expecting and it has been years, you do not have all the needed items.

People can and do come in and out of your life and might not have been around for that first shower, if you have friends that wish to shower your blessing with gifts, I do not see a problem.

The wealth aspect is a non issue for me. A shower is not just about the gifts. Someone will always have more or less than others. Should you not invite them because of that?

With this crowd, the shower is ALL about the gifts. But more about that attitude in a minute. Let me expound on the wealth aspect I mentioned. We have the expectant couple, who make over $200K/year, live in a very nice house, drive luxury cars, take expensive vacations, and already have a child of the same sex born three years ago. Then we have my aunt and cousin who live together (in a rented trailer) in order to survive, who are both on disability (one SSI and the other work-related, and BOTH deserved), who are each in and out of the hospital several times a year, who often have no money for food 10 days before the end of the month (my mother makes sure they don't go without), who drive a beater of a car, and who never take vacations. And the former is expecting a gift from the latter? Hell, yes, I have a problem with that. The entire point of gentility and manners is to make other people feel at ease and comfortable. I'm reminded of the story told by Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post (or both) of the high society lady who gave a grand dinner with several courses. In between one of the courses, she noticed a man sitting near her pick up his finger bowl and drink from it. After recovering from her initial shock, she picked up her own finger bowl and drank from it in order for him not to feel embarrassed at having done so.

But the larger issue here, for me, is the ME-ME-ME attitude of these things. If it were an occasion, as you say, where "presence, not presents" was requested up front, that would be AWESOME. Or say, a party where the invitation says to write down on a piece of paper your memories of me as a baby or advice for raising a baby or whatever. That, too, would be AWESOME. But that is not the case in this instance and others like it. This girl rarely attends any extended family functions, makes a lot of money, and has a kid of the same sex age three. And yet oh, boy - give me more PRESENTS!!!

http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered

I really like this site, btw. But it says only immediate family and very close friends for shower for second baby, and otherwise people who didn't attend shower for first baby. Not the case in this instance.

BTW - My mother said last night that she's going to tell my aunt/cousin that she's going to put their names on her gift as well so they won't have to buy one. Perfect. I love that woman.

One thing to keep in mind is that some relatives (not matter how rich or poor) will get their noses out of joint if they are not invited to a shower. But, I like your idea of "presence not presents." I would feel terrible if someone bought me a gift that couldn't afford it.