My Brother...Good Grief

[Foxmeister]

My brother really pissed me off yesterday. Anyone friends with me on FB know exactly what I'm talking about. He started by sending me a personal message out of concern about my relationship with the gf. For some reason, he had it in his head that she and I would probably be getting married while I'm home on vacation. He's never asked me anything about her. I told him I appreciated his concern, but there wasn't anything for him to worry about because that isn't in the plans at all.

Later I get a personal note from someone else about another personal matter that was none of their business. I then posted on my wall how I disliked and wished people would just butt out of other people's personal business. My brother who has a superiority complex, took this as a personal insult and then began to discuss my personal life on my Facebook page. He then sends my gf a scathing email insulting her and then telling her if she really knew me, she would definitely rethink ever having a relationship of any kind with me.

What makes it worse is my youngest sister (who I always felt very close to) joins in. She later deletes her posts and then sends my gf a private message apologizing and saying "we only want Gary to be careful and happy."

Now my gf thinks my family dislikes her without ever having met her or any other interaction with her at all. I certainly understand how she feels. My sister sends me an apology, but then says as Christians we are to hold each other accountable. I wrote her back to remind her that in Matthew, it says to confront a brother (Christian) in private.

To make matters worse; my daughter now doesn't want me to bring my girlfriend with me to MI. It was fine with her a week ago. My brother made reference in the private message I referred earlier to about how hard it will be on my daughter and grandchildren if I bring my gf. Now my daughter is saying the same thing my brother said. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he felt in his "infinite wisdom" he called my daughter to have this conversation with her in his quest to save me from myself.

Not once has he ever asked me anything about my relationship with my gf. Instead he jumps to a conclusion and runs with it. This whole situation puts me between a rock and hard spot. I made and paid for our flight and hotel reservations to MI two weeks ago. As I see it, I have two choices; but either choice I make is going to hurt peoples feelings. I wouldn't have to make this decision if my brother hadn't put his nose into my business. I really was looking forward to this vacation. It was supposed to be relaxing and a lot of fun. So far, it's turning into anything but. It just makes me want to kick my brother's ass.

What the heck would you guys do?

 

[Grey Colson]

WOW! Man, I'm sorry, Bro. Isn't that always the way....the best laid plans...

Sure, I can understand their concern, but as you said, a public conversation is NOT the way to go. :Stick

I can relate. My late brother used to give me unsolicited advice ALL the time. I loved him, but he was certainly not in a position to give financial or personal advice. He was a good and honorable man, but he stuck his nose in my business one too many times and I had to eventually tell him off.

I hope things work out when you come home and you have the great time you had planned for. It's a shame to have to do damage control already. Some people just need a good SlaP! :'(

 

[naturegirl]

Fox, first they are worried about you. Second it truly is none of their business. I wouldn't cancel my Michigan trip, I'd go anyway. Let them know you and she are going to be there, they can visit with you or not. Just make the best of the trip and introduce her to the people that want to meet her, otherwise don't let it bother you.

I'm one of the most negative about people that meet on the internet, everyone is an Axe Murderer!!! LOL However, she's become part of your life and is not hiding behind a keyboard. I think she's the real deal and seems very nice. I wouldn't let any of this bother me, after all it's not about them, it's about you and her.

I know several people that met via the internet and have been together for years, it's not as strange as it once was.

Just let your daughter know it's really not that big of a deal, you're old enough to know better and young enough to enjoy some good times with the person of YOUR choosing.

Again, while it truly is none of their business, I know you want them to get to know her. They think they are protecting you but you don't need or want their protection, just acceptance.

Good luck, I know you'll make the best decision for you.

 

[RNG]

Fox, first they are worried about you. Second it truly is none of their business. I wouldn't cancel my Michigan trip, I'd go anyway. Let them know you and she are going to be there, they can visit with you or not. Just make the best of the trip and introduce her to the people that want to meet her, otherwise don't let it bother you.

I'm one of the most negative about people that meet on the internet, everyone is an Axe Murderer!!! LOL However, she's become part of your life and is not hiding behind a keyboard. I think she's the real deal and seems very nice. I wouldn't let any of this bother me, after all it's not about them, it's about you and her.

I know several people that met via the internet and have been together for years, it's not as strange as it once was.

Just let your daughter know it's really not that big of a deal, you're old enough to know better and young enough to enjoy some good times with the person of YOUR choosing.

Again, while it truly is none of their business, I know you want them to get to know her. They think they are protecting you but you don't need or want their protection, just acceptance.

Good luck, I know you'll make the best decision for you.

what she said :CLAP

 

[LisaC]

Fox, first they are worried about you. Second it truly is none of their business. I wouldn't cancel my Michigan trip, I'd go anyway. Let them know you and she are going to be there, they can visit with you or not. Just make the best of the trip and introduce her to the people that want to meet her, otherwise don't let it bother you.

I'm one of the most negative about people that meet on the internet, everyone is an Axe Murderer!!! LOL However, she's become part of your life and is not hiding behind a keyboard. I think she's the real deal and seems very nice. I wouldn't let any of this bother me, after all it's not about them, it's about you and her.

I know several people that met via the internet and have been together for years, it's not as strange as it once was.

Just let your daughter know it's really not that big of a deal, you're old enough to know better and young enough to enjoy some good times with the person of YOUR choosing.

Again, while it truly is none of their business, I know you want them to get to know her. They think they are protecting you but you don't need or want their protection, just acceptance.

Good luck, I know you'll make the best decision for you.

what she said :CLAP

::ditto Y'all go and have a great time in Michigan - once your daughter gets a chance to meet her, all will be well.

 

[Foxmeister]

The gf has decided not to go. She doesn't want to risk anyone saying anything negative about our relationship because she's there. She wants me to enjoy the time with my grandchildren without any possibility of any negativity taking place. I find that very unselfish on her part. What I'll most likely do is change my flight from Monday to Wednesday and still return as planned on Friday.

 

[LisaC]

She's a good woman, Fox.

 

[Madea]

Personally, I would have gone ahead with my plans and let those who wanted to participate do so. They've known your plans for a while. However, I do applaud her for taking a backseat and allowing you time with your grandchildren.

 

[mei lan]

Personally, I would have gone ahead with my plans and let those who wanted to participate do so. They've known your plans for a while. However, I do applaud her for taking a backseat and allowing you time with your grandchildren.

Ditto.

 

[mei lan]

Some people just need a good SlaP! :'(

My friend Pam has had the idea of a slapping machine for a good while now, where we could put stupid people in it from time to time as necessary. I told her to get her husband working on the patent (he's a patent attorney). I think it would make her very rich.

 

[mei lan]

BTW - I do agree with Madea's statement, but I also understand how your gf feels. I do not go where I am not wanted...even a WHIFF of that makes me back WAY off. I'm a little weird that way...

Also - I have never understood this need to blab about personal things in public (which for all intents and purposes FB is). Whatever somebody thinks of your situation, in front of other people is NOT the place to discuss it. I've had co-workers tell me about their many bounced checks, their marital affairs, and one girl even allowed as to how she was sleeping with three different men at the same time (each of whom didn't know about the others, and considering this girl, I do not doubt her story one bit). I always want to say, GET SOME COUTH, PEOPLE!!! I always try to back out of any conversation that looks like it's going to go this way, but sometimes you can't avoid it. You could most definitely avoid posting something on FB (aka the debil... ).

 

[mei lan]

He then sends my gf a scathing email insulting her and then telling her if she really knew me, she would definitely rethink ever having a relationship of any kind with me.

Again, how tacky.

 

[MamaHog]

Let me start off by saying that I too believe that it is none of your brother's business. And yeah, that kind of thing would have been better suited for a private message. Having been the daughter in a situation eerily similar to this, I would like to say one thing...don't let this hurt the relationship you have with you daughter.

My dad met his current wife online. They talked for a couple months and then he went to visit her. One lived in CA and the other in OH. When he came home from that weeklong visit, they were engaged. He then turned around and invited her to a family holiday at my house. This would be the time that my siblings and I would meet her for the first time, less than 2 months before the wedding. We were all concerned for our dad because everything was moving so quickly, but instead of listening to us, he got very self defensive and brought her anyway. The manner in which this happened caused a lot of distance between my siblings and I and our dad.

Now, I know the situations aren't completely the same. You aren't engaged. But they are similar enough for me to say that I think you should talk to your daughter and really find out what is bothering her. Actually listen to her before getting defensive. Also, I applaud your girlfriend for taking a step back. It is important for you to visit with your daughter and grandchildren. And lastly, if you shorten your trip, be very careful on how you explain this to your daughter. My dad rarely comes to visit. When he does, it is usually becuase he has a business trip and needs a place to stay. The holiday that my father came to introduce us to his now wife, he left the day before the actual holiday because she wanted to get home. This felt like she was making him choose sides and he chose her.

I wasn't going to post, but I figured it may help to hear from someone who has been in your daughter's position. You may not care or agree with anything I had to say, and that's fine.

 

[sadie612]

At least your family is concerned. My Brother got mad at me cause I told him his girlfriend was and he got really pissed off. She denied it of corse. My mom then called my brother out of concern. He got so mad it wasn't even funny and caused a lot of angry drama. Comes ti find out we were right and he still stayed with her.

Anyway long story short .... They love you and care about you. Don't let this hurt your relationship

My brother Died 2 years ago...I would give anything of I could of repaired that relationship before he died. Because of the way he reacted to the news he wasn't speaking to any family and he died thinking we all hated him. It breaks my heart just to write this.

 

[mei lan]

Good perspective on the daughter, MamaHog. None of my comments were regarding Fox and his gf, because I don't know anything about them or their relationship, and it's none of my beeswax. However, your points are very good, because of your perspective of where the daughter is coming from. For my money, the daughter is the only one I would be concerned about...making sure she's comfortable with everything, understands the truth of the situation, etc. That relationship with her and the grandkids would be too valuable for me to let go (and I'm sure it is for Fox as well).

 

[mei lan]

My Brother got mad at me cause I told him his girlfriend was and he got really pissed off.

Did you leave something out in that sentence? I'm confused...

 

[sadie612]

My Brother got mad at me cause I told him his girlfriend was and he got really pissed off.

Did you leave something out in that sentence? I'm confused...


[/quot

Yes... I am on my iPhone on a college tour lol

I told him his girl friend was married already and a convicted felon

 

[mei lan]

My Brother got mad at me cause I told him his girlfriend was and he got really pissed off.

Did you leave something out in that sentence? I'm confused...


[/quot

Yes... I am on my iPhone on a college tour lol

I told him his girl friend was married already and a convicted felon

OH, got it. Yeah, that would be something a body should know if they're involved with a girl. Ye gods.

 

[Foxmeister]

There was so much I wanted to do as I will be home only two weeks. My gf has to work the second week of my vacation. I figured having her go to MI with me during that first week was a way to spend time with her and my family all at the same time; especially since the grandkids are on Spring Break that first week.

This wouldn't have been an issue if my brother hadn't stuck his nose where it didn't belong. He sent me another private message on FB telling me I was an embarrassment to the family because I'm divorced three times and another divorce would only cause further embarrassment for them. So there's the real reason for his actions on FB. He's not really concerned about me at all; he's more concerned about me embarrassing the family.

He baited my girlfriend pretty good by sending her a private message pretty much calling her a tramp and then continuing to post his "concern" for me in public. She responded to one of his public comments by referring to what he called her in private. He came back with saying nobody feels that way about her and then attacked her character and said she was nuts. He sends me a private message afterward telling me she nuts and there's no way in heck he ever wants to meet her. I told him I read what he sent to her in private, yet he denies it.

When we were growing up (he's 18 months younger), he was my father's favorite and he took advantage of that all the time. He would often lie to my father that I did something he would disprove of so I would be in trouble. Because of this, I didn't really have a good relationship with my father while growing up; especially while in high school. I guess my brother still doesn't want me to have a good relationship with anyone. He's a sad and pathetic person. I thought he had outgrown this crap, but I guess not.

If he was so concerned about my relationship, why didn't he say something awhile ago instead of waiting until the day I posted on FB I was starting the first leg of my trip home? He has ruined my vacation plans.

I've deactivated my FB account. I'm tired of the drama. I try to disassociate myself from negativity where I can. Too many people use FB for the wrong thing.

 

[DallasRed]

Facebook is the devil...I call it stalkbook, I only use mine to make sure my kids are behaving themselves and to keep up with my local groups.

I can only guess he is concerned for you, since you are recently divorced. Be glad he cares and just let it go. Life is tooooo short.