J-man said:
The family I'm referring to I really don't know that well, I've never met the wife or the 16 yo daughter. The husband is 43, first marriage, and has no other kids. He is devastated at the thought of not only losing his wife who he claims he loves very much but also his stepdaughter he helped raise for the last 12 years. I don't know the details of what's driving the divorce but I don't think it's infidelity on either side. The husband recently lost his business after struggling for years to salvage it. The wife makes a 6 digit income from her beauty salon in which she is the majority owner. He was dreading the long weekend as the daughter had a soccer tournament in another state, he was told he was not to attend so this would have been the first time he had ever missed. Strangely the tournament was cancelled Friday afternoon. The wife wanted to go away for the weekend but the daughter wanted to stay home and spend it with her dad (stepdad). Just an helpless feeling, I really don't know what to tell the guy other than to just try to be positive, patient, and pray for reconciliation.
People really get on my last nerve.
I agree with your advice, BUT I would have told her where to put her opinion about my not going to the soccer tournament. That's a public event, and he has just as much a right to be there as anyone else.
The only other advice I'd give is to get a GOOD lawyer (which of course means $$$), and stay on him/her to see to his and the stepdaughter's best interests. Since she's 16, he might could get visitation (esp. if the mother would agree in advance) even though he's not the bio father. At any rate, she'll be 18 in less than two years and they can spend time together then if not before.
The other advice I'd give is to not grovel. She already doesn't respect him, or she wouldn't have made this move. That may or may not be deserved, but it's true. He can let her know he doesn't want the divorce but still maintain his self-respect. I highly recommend reading
Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson. Dobson and I have had our differences in the past few years, but that book is a classic and full of VERY good advice.
Finally, I HIGHLY recommend he go to counseling - alone if she won't go with him, which I'm guessing if she's gotten this far, she won't. Get recommendations from friends, or call West Ridge Church for recommendations.
** FTR, I do realize that I'm just doling out advice here like I'm an expert, when I've never been married. :soashamed But the truth is the truth. I just didn't want anybody to think I think I know it all. I DO know it all; I just don't want anybody to think that I think I know it all.
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