3 Reasons Not to Marry

[Madea]

http://www.circleofmoms.com/article/why-young-moms-aren-t-getting-married-04992?trk=digest_editorial_4992&email_enc=l8Oa0KJsecjZ0o%252FJ0NM%253D&email_src=13458213366e0dc19b4045c91f614f15ed41d44c74&template_name=digest_weekly_2&subject_id=1395bdd176b039042f08147ca43651d9%3A0&cc_id=f_4992&usr_email=cabe89%40aol.com&eh=a9effe5fae376e376c63715024690d4b&has_fb=1

Like many moms who are unmarried, Denise E. questions the "big race" to march
down the aisle. She and her boyfriend decided to have kids together without
getting married, and she believes that having a child, or even a baby on the way
"should not affect the decision about marriage."


As conversations on Circle of Moms reveal, Denise's view of marriage and
parenthood is no longer in the minority. Here, she and other Circle of Moms
members share the reasons they’re living with the fathers of their children
rather than marrying them.
1. We're Committed Even Without a License
2. Marriage isn't What It Used to Be
3. One or Both of Us Isn't Ready for Marriage

Well, while homosexuals are seeking more than ever to be married, it appears that young heterosexuals are avoiding marriage.

This is actually a disturbing trend for me to see.

 

[LisaC]

Actually, I think it's a cop out. They don't want to have to accept the responsibility of a commitment.

 

[ShoeDiva]

Actually, I think it's a cop out. They don't want to have to accept the responsibility of a commitment.

:thumbsup

 

[lotstodo]

So we are ready for the responsibility of bringing another life into this world and caring for it, making that life the most important thing in our world, but we aren't ready to commit to another adult that we are ready to partner with them to raise this child.

Hey Skippy....If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, you aren't ready for the commitment of raising a child. That's my opinion, yours may vary.

 

[Guard Dad]

So we are ready for the responsibility of bringing another life into this world and caring for it, making that life the most important thing in our world, but we aren't ready to commit to another adult that we are ready to partner with them to raise this child.

Hey Skippy....If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, you aren't ready for the commitment of raising a child. That's my opinion, yours may vary.

^^This^^ X 1000

 

[Madea]

So we are ready for the responsibility of bringing another life into this world and caring for it, making that life the most important thing in our world, but we aren't ready to commit to another adult that we are ready to partner with them to raise this child.

Hey Skippy....If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, you aren't ready for the commitment of raising a child. That's my opinion, yours may vary.

Maybe the other "Epic Fail" here is that they aren't truly committed to the children either and we are creating a cycle that gets worse with each generation.

 

[LisaC]

So we are ready for the responsibility of bringing another life into this world and caring for it, making that life the most important thing in our world, but we aren't ready to commit to another adult that we are ready to partner with them to raise this child.

Hey Skippy....If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, you aren't ready for the commitment of raising a child. That's my opinion, yours may vary.

Maybe the other "Epic Fail" here is that they aren't truly committed to the children either and we are creating a cycle that gets worse with each generation.

Exactly!! Instead of teaching the kids the importance of a family, they are removing the semblance of a family because they think they can do it better. Unfortunately, the kids will be the ones to suffer.

 

[Madea]

So we are ready for the responsibility of bringing another life into this world and caring for it, making that life the most important thing in our world, but we aren't ready to commit to another adult that we are ready to partner with them to raise this child.

Hey Skippy....If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, you aren't ready for the commitment of raising a child. That's my opinion, yours may vary.

Maybe the other "Epic Fail" here is that they aren't truly committed to the children either and we are creating a cycle that gets worse with each generation.

Exactly!! Instead of teaching the kids the importance of a family, they are removing the semblance of a family because they think they can do it better. Unfortunately, the kids will be the ones to suffer.

Actually, I think this goes back several generations. I think it's the adults in the conversation who are suffering from being in similar situations as children and don't see the world they perpetuating.

 

[Madea]

Actually, I think it's a cop out. They don't want to have to accept the responsibility of a commitment.

:thumbsup

And, I think it goes so much deeper.

 

[Winchester]

Actually, I think it's a cop out. They don't want to have to accept the responsibility of a commitment.

Not true. My better half and I have been together 18 years and have not "officially" gotten married. We are both deeply committed to each other and act "married" but getting a piece of paper is not that important to us.

 

[LisaC]

Actually, I think it's a cop out. They don't want to have to accept the responsibility of a commitment.

Not true. My better half and I have been together 18 years and have not "officially" gotten married. We are both deeply committed to each other and act "married" but getting a piece of paper is not that important to us.

It's not the paper that's important IMO - it's the act of making a covenant with God that the two of you are going to live together as one.

 

[lotstodo]

Actually, I think it's a cop out. They don't want to have to accept the responsibility of a commitment.

Not true. My better half and I have been together 18 years and have not "officially" gotten married. We are both deeply committed to each other and act "married" but getting a piece of paper is not that important to us.

It's not the piece of paper, it's the commitment. Many nowadays won't commit to anything but sex with a partner, that is until they grow bored with that too and move on to another. The "Marriage" commitment is part of adulthood that goes far beyond physical attraction or even love. It signifies a partnership, an agreement, that is meant to endure beyond the good times. We've raised a generation of self centered brats looking for instant gratification and no responsibility both in their personal and work lives.

They should have been spanked. But that's just my opinion.

 

[deewee]

We also need to remember that divorce plays a big part in what we are seeing now days. At one time, people rarely divorced...it happened, but most often the couple would stay together and learn how to live together especially if children were involved.
Then divorce became more common place, for a variety of reasons. It became more accepted, as time went on. Then suddenly the formerly married parents of children started seeing the effect that divorce had on those children. The effects of divorce on kids is bigger, deeper and more damaging than most people imagine. You get the drift...it's a stinking snowball rolling down hill, getting bigger and bigger.

Maybe I'm just on a tangent here, but I place a lot of blame on divorce rates. How are people supposed to model a loving, committed family, if they've never seen it? Why should today's generation believe they really have to commit to anything when mommy & daddy didn't do it?

 

[I'm Floored]

from Madea
Actually, I think this goes back several generations. I think it's the adults in the conversation who are suffering from being in similar situations as children and don't see the world they perpetuating.

This.

from deewee

We also need to remember that divorce plays a big part in what we are seeing now days. At one time, people rarely divorced...it happened, but most often the couple would stay together and learn how to live together especially if children were involved.
Then divorce became more common place, for a variety of reasons. It became more accepted, as time went on. Then suddenly the formerly married parents of children started seeing the effect that divorce had on those children. The effects of divorce on kids is bigger, deeper and more damaging than most people imagine. You get the drift...it's a stinking snowball rolling down hill, getting bigger and bigger.

Maybe I'm just on a tangent here, but I place a lot of blame on divorce rates. How are people supposed to model a loving, committed family, if they've never seen it? Why should today's generation believe they really have to commit to anything when mommy & daddy didn't do it?

And this.

 

[honeybunny]

So we are ready for the responsibility of bringing another life into this world and caring for it, making that life the most important thing in our world, but we aren't ready to commit to another adult that we are ready to partner with them to raise this child.

Hey Skippy....If you aren't ready for the commitment of marriage, you aren't ready for the commitment of raising a child. That's my opinion, yours may vary.

I agree... we were very very young when we met, and we waited nine years to marry.
We got married only when we were finally ready to put down roots and start a family.

 

[Madea]

We also need to remember that divorce plays a big part in what we are seeing now days. At one time, people rarely divorced...it happened, but most often the couple would stay together and learn how to live together especially if children were involved.
Then divorce became more common place, for a variety of reasons. It became more accepted, as time went on. Then suddenly the formerly married parents of children started seeing the effect that divorce had on those children. The effects of divorce on kids is bigger, deeper and more damaging than most people imagine. You get the drift...it's a stinking snowball rolling down hill, getting bigger and bigger.

Maybe I'm just on a tangent here, but I place a lot of blame on divorce rates. How are people supposed to model a loving, committed family, if they've never seen it? Why should today's generation believe they really have to commit to anything when mommy & daddy didn't do it?

Divorce probably plays the leading role!

 

[ShoeDiva]

I agree with you all, but in fairness to Winchester, that has stated he is not married and just committed, can you tell us why that piece of paper showing your commitment to your other half is not important? I just wonder when you can do it (and act married) why you don't. :dunno Is it against the religious aspect? You two have no kids? (I do not know if you do or not)
***You do not have to answer if you are not comfortable doing so.

 

[naturegirl]

Marriage is much more than a commitment. It's a contract, signed by both parties. I've been married and I've lived in sin, that piece of paper does make a difference. Professing your love for each other in front of an audience matters.

When my husband and I got married 26 years ago, I didn't want to. I was OK with not having the piece of paper. When I signed it, I knew it meant for better or for WORSE. It's been a rough road but we've traveled it together knowing we shouldn't just walk away. It's much easier to get divorced than it is to stay married. BTDT, I'll take the contract.

 

[Winchester]

I agree with you all, but in fairness to Winchester, that has stated he is not married and just committed, can you tell us why that piece of paper showing your commitment to your other half is not important? I just wonder when you can do it (and act married) why you don't. :dunno Is it against the religious aspect? You two have no kids? (I do not know if you do or not)
***You do not have to answer if you are not comfortable doing so.

Personal choice, mostly hers. No kids together but she has 3 from a previous marriage, which ended badly. Without getting too personal on this, it was never a priority for either of us but something we've been working towards for a long time.

Financial issues have also kept us from "tying the knot". But when it happens, we'll do it OUR way and not how others want us to. Most likely at the J.P.'s office and an expensive honeymoon/vacation, when we can afford to.

It has absolutely no effect how we feel about each other and we are both fully 100% committed .....or we would not have been together so long! Heck, we've been together longer then most people we know who were married! Marriage is a state of mind, not a piece of paper and a bunch of photos. Marriage is a private agreement between two people who love each other and we feel that it should stay private. Marriage is a way of living with another person. Marriage is not about a big party and spending lots of money on other people!



Does that make sense or does it sound too hippy like? lol

 

[unionmom]

Winchester ... I give you serious credit for staying together in an unmarried relationship for as long as you have. In my eye, that is a bigger accomplishment, bigger challenge because it is so much easier (in theory) for couples in your situation to just give up. No divorce to go through, just say done and walk away.

One of my Aunts was in a 13 year relationship with a man that she knew that she would never marry. They had no children. She and he eventually called it quits and she got into another long term (over 10 years) relationship before eventually marry the "new" guy.

Marriage is not the same path for everyone.