Relatives REALLY tick me off!!!

LisaC

LisaC

I'm here to spin the moral compass.
Okay, this is a vent and y'all just have to put up with me ranting and raving for a few minutes...

My relatives are working my last nerve. I have been trying since September 20th to get these people to set up a date for us to get together during the holidays. I let all of them pick the day, the time, the location, and even what we are having. BUT, there is always one relative who insists that we work around her schedule and she refuses to alter her work schedule to accommodate everyone else. If she has to work, she will not put in a vacation request, she will not go to anyone else's house, and she will NOT bend. Not even a little... Her current issue is that she has to work until 6 p.m. and that we cannot start until she is off work and there.

Me and a couple of others now refuse to go to her house. I'm allergic to cats and she has at least two of them. Her house is also not that clean so I tend to not want to eat anything while we are there unless it is something that someone else has brought and it is served on a paper plate (I won't even drink out of her cups or use her ice - we stop on the way in or bring our own bottled water). We have all agreed to have it a the relative's house closest to her - about 15 minutes away. I suggested that she take a few hours off of work (like she would for a dr. appt), but NOOOOOOO. She is now insisting that it would be unfair to start without her and she is neglecting the fact that most of us live 2 hours or more away and will have to drive home with small children after this dinner.

I've turned into a bitchy snob when it comes to dealing with her (excuse the language, but it's the only thing that fits), but I am honestly ready to tell these crazy people to plan whatever they want because I will be sitting at my house in Paulding County while they do whatever they want to do.

Halloween obviously is not over because I'm still riding my broomstick!!
 
Well, you came to the wrong place if you want somebody to say you're wrong. I could go the rest of my life without seeing most of my extended family on either side.
 
LisaC said:
Her house is also not that clean so I tend to not want to eat anything while we are there unless it is something that someone else has brought and it is served on a paper plate (I won't even drink out of her cups or use her ice - we stop on the way in or bring our own bottled water).
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Oh, and EWWWW!!! That's really bad!
 
mei lan said:
LisaC said:
Her house is also not that clean so I tend to not want to eat anything while we are there unless it is something that someone else has brought and it is served on a paper plate (I won't even drink out of her cups or use her ice - we stop on the way in or bring our own bottled water).
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Oh, and EWWWW!!! That's really bad!
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It is, but I suck it up so the princess can see her cousins. But, they are honestly on my last nerve.
 
LisaC said:
Okay, this is a vent and y'all just have to put up with me ranting and raving for a few minutes...

My relatives are working my last nerve. I have been trying since September 20th to get these people to set up a date for us to get together during the holidays. I let all of them pick the day, the time, the location, and even what we are having. BUT, there is always one relative who insists that we work around her schedule and she refuses to alter her work schedule to accommodate everyone else. If she has to work, she will not put in a vacation request, she will not go to anyone else's house, and she will NOT bend. Not even a little... Her current issue is that she has to work until 6 p.m. and that we cannot start until she is off work and there.

Me and a couple of others now refuse to go to her house. I'm allergic to cats and she has at least two of them. Her house is also not that clean so I tend to not want to eat anything while we are there unless it is something that someone else has brought and it is served on a paper plate (I won't even drink out of her cups or use her ice - we stop on the way in or bring our own bottled water). We have all agreed to have it a the relative's house closest to her - about 15 minutes away. I suggested that she take a few hours off of work (like she would for a dr. appt), but NOOOOOOO. She is now insisting that it would be unfair to start without her and she is neglecting the fact that most of us live 2 hours or more away and will have to drive home with small children after this dinner.

I've turned into a bitchy snob when it comes to dealing with her (excuse the language, but it's the only thing that fits), but I am honestly ready to tell these crazy people to plan whatever they want because I will be sitting at my house in Paulding County while they do whatever they want to do.

Halloween obviously is not over because I'm still riding my broomstick!!
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:eek: You still do not have a date set? :faint I remember speaking of this. I would go ahead and make whatever plans you want with the others and if she comes, she comes. I also have to give you kudos for going to someones house that is so bad that you have to bring a drink as to not drink out of a cup. You are awesome to do that just so the Princess can see her cousins. I am not so sure I could bring myself to do that.
 
My sister, though I am absolutely crazy over, does this to us. We, as in the rest of the family, constantly re-arrange our schedules around her dancing competitions and shows. We still haven't talked about Turkey Day, but I'm going to my mom's house this year so it doesn't matter what anyone else wants to do. :)
 
We always run into this with our family. I have been selected as the party planner in our family so I don't even bother now with asking. I just pick a date, location and time, whoever shows up does and whoever can't well see ya next time. We stopped all that catering to each person because we could never ever ever ever agree!
 
RNG said:
We always run into this with our family. I have been selected as the party planner in our family so I don't even bother now with asking. I just pick a date, location and time, whoever shows up does and whoever can't well see ya next time. We stopped all that catering to each person because we could never ever ever ever agree!
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::ditto
 
RNG said:
We always run into this with our family. I have been selected as the party planner in our family so I don't even bother now with asking. I just pick a date, location and time, whoever shows up does and whoever can't well see ya next time. We stopped all that catering to each person because we could never ever ever ever agree!
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Yup!!
 
The hubby says that I'm too nice to them. But, since both of my parents have died, I feel like we should at least make the effort to get together once a year and they say that they agree. Unfortunately, I'm always the one that has to bring it up and I'm the one that gets the blame when I don't break my back to make sure that everyone agrees on the date, time and location. Two of the crazies are now sending messages behind my back to tell the other family that I'm being demanding and just want to have my way while I have made sure that every one of my emails has said that me and my family will work out any conflicts we have so we can be there.
I'm getting too old and cranky for this nonsense.... Next year, y'all remind me to keep my mouth shut!!
 
LisaC said:
The hubby says that I'm too nice to them. But, since both of my parents have died, I feel like we should at least make the effort to get together once a year and they say that they agree. Unfortunately, I'm always the one that has to bring it up and I'm the one that gets the blame when I don't break my back to make sure that everyone agrees on the date, time and location. Two of the crazies are now sending messages behind my back to tell the other family that I'm being demanding and just want to have my way while I have made sure that every one of my emails has said that me and my family will work out any conflicts we have so we can be there.
I'm getting too old and cranky for this nonsense.... Next year, y'all remind me to keep my mouth shut!!
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Just let the one that is being the most picky set the date and time and then if no one else can go, so be it..it will be on her. If you can't go send a pic of your family and tell them you will be there in spirit..lol
 
LisaC said:
The hubby says that I'm too nice to them. But, since both of my parents have died, I feel like we should at least make the effort to get together once a year and they say that they agree. Unfortunately, I'm always the one that has to bring it up and I'm the one that gets the blame when I don't break my back to make sure that everyone agrees on the date, time and location. Two of the crazies are now sending messages behind my back to tell the other family that I'm being demanding and just want to have my way while I have made sure that every one of my emails has said that me and my family will work out any conflicts we have so we can be there.
I'm getting too old and cranky for this nonsense.... Next year, y'all remind me to keep my mouth shut!!
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Just quit doing it. Confront the crazies and tell them that they can plan it. PERIOD.
 
We've gotten to the point that we say:
"We are having {name your holiday} on xx/xx/xxxx at yyyzzz's house. If you can't make it, we will understand!"
 
We used to have very large family gatherings of 30 or more. Now many folks seems to have some sort of agenda. We have cousins who spend time with their spouse's family but not ours, some won't go to a gathering where another is present, etc... The holiday gatherings are now apparently the duty of Mrs. LTD and one of her aunts. The two of them speak, and come to an agreement on who will do what, when, and where, and everyone else is informed. They can come or not. Their choice.

Another problem we have with my side of the family and my wife's sister and her brood, is that we didn't have kids. For the last 30 years we have been expected to travel to the ends of the earth, but in those 35 years many of my relatives have never seen the state of Georgia. Now it's grand kids. I understand the implications of traveling with small children, but there is only one niece with small children, and she shows more than the others. Everyone else has tweens or older, grand kids included. Still, I guess just from habit, we are expected to pack up and drive. The result of that is that I see my side of the family quite rarely, some only every 3-5 years. I guess it's just the way things are, but I miss the days when we were all together. My side of the family hasn't been all together since before my Grandmother passed in 1986. Now we are losing more and more folks, which makes it that much worse.
 
MacDaddy said:
We've gotten to the point that we say:
"We are having {name your holiday} on xx/xx/xxxx at yyyzzz's house. If you can't make it, we will understand!"
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:agreed :agreed :agreed
 
The sad thing is that if I don't push them to plan something, the princess would never see her cousins. We always have to initiate contact, they won't. They also balk at having to come to our side of the world - driving through Atlanta is something they complain about having to do.

It's honestly getting old, but if I don't do it, it won't happen and I'm sure that will be my fault too.
 
LisaC said:
The sad thing is that if I don't push them to plan something, the princess would never see her cousins. We always have to initiate contact, they won't. They also balk at having to come to our side of the world - driving through Atlanta is something they complain about having to do.

It's honestly getting old, but if I don't do it, it won't happen and I'm sure that will be my fault too.
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I hear what you are saying. Sounds similar to what happened with my Dad's side of the family. I finally got tired of doing all the work to maintain contact. At some point, I realized it just wasn't worth it.
 
I guess I'm the odd one out here. When our oldest got married a few years back one of the first things I emphasized was not to stress over fitting us into their holiday schedules. Instead, visit when they can and if it's before, on, or after a holiday then that was just fine. For years I battled the "we went there last year" and "we haven't gone here since" so I didn't want her to worry about that. Of course I want to see them on the special days but keeping it simple and easy seems to be less stressful for everyone which is appreciated by all. We are very close to our families, included the extended families.
 
J-man said:
I guess I'm the odd one out here. When our oldest got married a few years back one of the first things I emphasized was not to stress over fitting us into their holiday schedules. Instead, visit when they can and if it's before, on, or after a holiday then that was just fine. For years I battled the "we went there last year" and "we haven't gone here since" so I didn't want her to worry about that. Of course I want to see them on the special days but keeping it simple and easy seems to be less stressful for everyone which is appreciated by all. We are very close to our families, included the extended families.
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:CLAP :CLAP :CLAP Exactamundo!!! The exact day or date isn't the issue...it's the being together that's the issue.

I also agree with MacDaddy's approach. This is when it is...can't come? Maybe next year...bye.
 
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