Family Woes

D

dumbestgirlintheworld

Stunt Driver
I have been on this huge life improvement thing in recent months. I started by completely removing people from my life that were toxic – and all those that surround them. It’s amazing how cathartic cleaning out Facebook can be. I also recently lost a pregnancy, which caused me to become very insightful about family.

Anyways, as a result of this introspective practice, I reconnected with my father. Back story is that he was a pretty worthless SOB that never paid child support and never kept in touch. When I was in my late teens, I reached out to him – we met – and we had a reasonably good relationship until I was 25 or so.

Circumstances and choices and life and all that caused us to fall out of touch and I probably haven’t spoken to him the better part of 6 years. The biggest stressor on me was that I have 3 siblings from his second marriage and I want to be an influence in their lives.
Well, that was a can of worms. I found out that he’s just finalized a nasty divorce, he’s not taking it well and he’s hitting the bottle pretty heavily. My oldest brother just got out of jail and my dad’s ex-wife is apparently a bit of a lunatic and doesn’t want me to be in touch with the younger two children (17 and 8). So, it would appear that I’ve just stepped into a steamy pile of drama and, of course, I can’t step out!
So, I need to get prepared for boundaries. Do you guys have any advice or stories to share about similar reconnections with family?
 
Is it too late to just run? Wow, you definitely stepped in a pile of drama.
 
Thanks for sharing, I understand how important family is.

However, my family is perfect.............no weird stuff or anything. :laugh











Yea, I hope you don't really believe that. :D

I have a 1/2 sister that I've only met twice in my life, after I was grown with kids of my own. My mom was a crazed woman about her, my dad flew to Pennsylvania every year for a week to see her. She never spent any time with us. Sometimes I wish I knew where she was, just before it's too late.

Good luck!!
 
dumbestgirlintheworld said:
I have been on this huge life improvement thing in recent months. I started by completely removing people from my life that were toxic – and all those that surround them. It’s amazing how cathartic cleaning out Facebook can be. I also recently lost a pregnancy, which caused me to become very insightful about family.

Anyways, as a result of this introspective practice, I reconnected with my father. Back story is that he was a pretty worthless SOB that never paid child support and never kept in touch. When I was in my late teens, I reached out to him – we met – and we had a reasonably good relationship until I was 25 or so.

Circumstances and choices and life and all that caused us to fall out of touch and I probably haven’t spoken to him the better part of 6 years. The biggest stressor on me was that I have 3 siblings from his second marriage and I want to be an influence in their lives.
Well, that was a can of worms. I found out that he’s just finalized a nasty divorce, he’s not taking it well and he’s hitting the bottle pretty heavily. My oldest brother just got out of jail and my dad’s ex-wife is apparently a bit of a lunatic and doesn’t want me to be in touch with the younger two children (17 and 8). So, it would appear that I’ve just stepped into a steamy pile of drama and, of course, I can’t step out!
So, I need to get prepared for boundaries. Do you guys have any advice or stories to share about similar reconnections with family?
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I recommend al-anon. Their materials are awesome in helping you to love and accept people involved in "drama" without getting sucked into it yourself.
 
sometimes you have to love people from a far......you can't change no one....just love them for who they are...
 
Check out Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud.

Edited to add - I have had the DEVIL of a time posting in this thread (hence the test post). GAH!!!
 
I'm Floored said:
I'm swamped at work, but I'll make a note to come back and PM you. ;)
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Good...I'm glad you're going to. I thought about recommending that, but figured you could think for yourself. ;)
 
mei lan said:
Check out Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud.

Edited to add - I have had the DEVIL of a time posting in this thread (hence the test post). GAH!!!
Click to expand...

Excellent book, and would be my first recommendation in dealing with these issues!
 
I've done the same DGITW. It was hard at first to cut the toxicity out but I am amazingly happy now. On the family issue... sometimes you just have to say, "ENOUGH". I had to do that about 7 years ago. Honestly, we all have the oxygen suckers, toxic, et al in our family... I chose to no longer accept that after 40 years of it... I do still worry and keep in close contact with those who would let me know if I needed to be there. But, my life became much more calmer when I did what I did.

Best wishes in whatever you decide. It IS a very hard decision so think about it, pray about it or whatever... don't act impulsively.
 
I'm Floored said:
mei lan said:
Check out Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud.

Edited to add - I have had the DEVIL of a time posting in this thread (hence the test post). GAH!!!
Click to expand...

Excellent book, and would be my first recommendation in dealing with these issues!
Click to expand...

It changed my life. And I don't say that lightly.
 
We all have our family issues. But you definitely have more than your share.

Rule one for me is to take care of me and my immediate family. Meaning spouse and children. Everyone else comes behind them.

As for the others, including your father given the circumstances; any relationship should be on your standards. You don't have to accept behavior from them that you find wrong or distasteful. And you can only help those who want your help.
 
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